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Christmas Cake -- Real Good

1 cup water, 1 cup sugar
4 large eggs, 2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda, 1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar, Lemon Juice
Nuts, 1 gallon whiskey

Sample the whiskey to check for the quality.
Take a large bowl.
Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality.
Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still OK. Cry another cup.
Turn off mixer. Break 2 legs and add to the bowl.
And chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriber.
Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Anything. Check the whiskey.|
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 gedress.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Put bowl in cake tin.
Check the whiskey again.
Pour in rest of whiskey.
Druitcake guarantee tast reel good.
Verery relaxxing. Good for strees.

POISON PLANTS

Lily of the Valley. . . . . . . . . . . Stems
English Ivy. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Leaves
Elephant Ear . . . . . . . . . . . . . Leaves
Peony. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. Roots
Tiger Lily. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. Stem
Larkspur. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Plants
Rhubarb. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Leaves
Potatoes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sprouts
Flowering Almond. . . . . . . . . Leaves
Bleeding Heart. . . . . . . . . .. Flowers
Poppy. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Unripe Pod
Clematis. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sap

Success depends on your backbone; not on your wishbone.

When God measures men, He puts the tape around the heart, not the head.

We may not all be millionaires, or typist neat
But whatever we are, we all have to eat.

No matter how handsome a woman may look It always helps if she knows how to cook.

Remember when you point your finger accusingly at someone you have three fingers pointing at yourself.

Food Safety Tips

1. Keep the kitchen clean.

2. Wash hands before and after handling raw and cooked food and before and after eating. For example, after preparing raw meat or poultry, wash hands well (lather for 20 seconds and rinse with warm water) before beginning preparation of other foods that will complete the meal.

3. Be selective when you buy food: be sure to check "Sell by" dates and the condition of the packaging; choose fresh fruits and vegetables that are free of dents and bruises.

4. Refrigerate foods that need to be refrigerated.

5. Clean out the refrigerator regularly; discard any foods that appear spoiled or are outdated.

6. Store staples in a cool, dry area; rotate staples so that older items are used first.

7. Avoid cross-contamination (the transfer of bacteria from one food to another).

8. Wash fresh fruits and vegetables thoroughly.

9. Follow recipe directions.

10. Resist the temptation to sample raw cookie dough or other uncooked recipes.

11. Cook foods completely. Check end-point temperature with a food thermometer - it's the only sure way to tell if food is cooked completely. Thermometers can be purchased for $10 or less.

12. Keep hot foods hot and cold foods cold.

13. Refrigerate leftovers promptly. Wrap well or cover. If cooked foods have been left at room temperature for more than two hours, they should be discarded. If picnic and tailgate foods have been left out for more than one hour in 80 degrees F or warmer weather, they also should be discarded.

14. Clean the kitchen promptly - allowing dirty dishes to sit on the counter or in the sink can attract harmful bacteria.

15. Opt for a dishcloth that can be sanitized, rather than a sponge that may attract bacterial growth. Sanitize kitchen aids daily, said Penner, who routinely washes plastic and nylon pot scrubbers on the upper shelf in the dishwasher.